20170103_180647

In My Cup: Silk Dragon Jasmine (with a touch of honey) from DavidsTea

2016 was a hell of a year, was it not? I know people have called it a dumpster fire, hell on earth, and even more unpleasant names. If you only consider the things that touched me personally rather than taking a collective account of events, it was just another year. I remember getting an ear infection early in 2016, after which followed a few other health problems (although, frankly, a good portion were simply me being incredibly anxious about things). I could probably give you a list even now, but I am attempting to be less anxious.

If you consider the collective events of the year, you have numerous celebrity deaths including Carrie Fisher (the news of her passing was like a punch in the gut, taking the wind right out of me), the Orlando club shooting, the insane election (the results are still shocking and horrifying to me), Brexit, the Brock Turner trial (and others similar to it), and….well, you get the picture.

I could say that I made a promise just as the ball dropped on New Years Eve. I could give you a list of resolutions. Of course, neither statement is true. For one, I was asleep when we entered 2017. What is the point of staying awake anyways? I value my sleep, especially considering I probably do not get enough of it, and I can wish my family a “Happy New Year” before I turn in. There is no magic when the clock turns, not really. Is my cynicism showing?

Rather than promises or resolutions, I have thought of things I want to work on in the coming year—and hopefully well past that as well. One, I want to read as much as I can. Somehow I managed to read 101 books last year, so I am hoping to beat that number (or match it). Two, I want to work on managing my anxiety and stress. I am pretty sure that I have an anxiety disorder because I just cannot believe someone without anxiety would be as anxious, stressed, and worried as I often find myself. I know I could solve most of my problems if I simply calmed down, but the hard part is figuring out how to calm down. But I am still standing, which is what matters for now.

Three, I want to be more social this year. I know getting out a lot is difficult for me and it can get overwhelming, but I want to take steps to ease myself into being out of the house more often. I do leave for work every weekday, of course, and I have my book club once a month, but that is generally it for my regular outings. I want to add volunteering to the mix, especially since I have a car now, but other than that I am stuck for ideas. If anyone has any generic things you can find in most cities, let me know in the comments!

Four, I want to be better. I want to be a motherfuckin’ general.

In the days following Carrie Fisher’s passing, I was reading countless messages on social media. There has been an absolute outpouring of grief, prayers for Carrie’s daughter, memories, and sentiment shared… I do not think I could count the messages. There was one on Twitter, however, that has stuck. I saw it through Wil Wheaton’s account, but the original tweet was from a user called @osheamobile:

“Be Princess Leia in 2017. Fight on the front lines. Strangle fascists with the chains they would have you wear. Be a motherfuckin’ general.”

I am not quite sure about the full meaning of this for me. I am still working it out. It will be my own definition, I know, rather than anyone else’s. I will get there.

Until the next time for tea…

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