I started to write a new piece for the next issue of my university’s magazine yesterday. I was feeling somewhat inspired—I had been looking for a piece to fit in a specific spot in the issue, and I was having a hard time developing a concept that would not only sound good, but not confusing for everyone…all the while trying to fill a unique space in what is going to be an interesting issue. I won’t tell you what I have settled on, you’ll have to read the issue when it comes out for that, but I can say that the theme is Looking Back, Looking Forward. I am very excited about this issue, but also a little saddened because it is my last as the Editor-In-Chief, and as I am graduating I cannot return to my post. Which kind of brings me to why I’m actually writing this particular post—actually inspired, at least in part, from writing my piece for Blueprint Magazine.
I am at a crossroads, a turning point, in my life. I am graduating university and I plan to go to graduate school…but I am terrified. Do I stay in my current city, and take all online courses for my graduate program? It’s familiar here, it’s cheaper, I have friends…and maybe, if I am lucky, I will have a job. But if I move to this other city…I can take in class courses, start with a clean slate, and pretty much have an entirely new set of opportunities so to speak.
But beyond that, I need to figure out where I can get a job to make money so I can live. It’s going to be difficult, with my degree. I knew that going in and I still don’t regret my decision in the slightest when I decided to study English and Communications…but I’m still scared. Even with trying to find a part-time job now isn’t going all that well. I have little experience in certain areas, but I know for a fact that I would be able to do the jobs, and do them well. I just need someone to give me a shot, you know? To take a chance on this girl.
So much is on my mind—you honestly would not believe how much it is going back and forth, wondering what I should do. I was so close to doing something that I never really do recently, and though I have it on the back burner for now—perhaps forever—it is still there. I am wondering if something changed, what would happen?
In the end, regardless of how long that it takes, I am sure that I will come to the right decision. It may take many lists, many hours of talking to close friends and family…many hours of writing, or reading to escape for a moment (however brief)…but I will get there. Because in the end, like one of my favourite songs says, I want to know that “I lived”.