The Doctor: Almost every species in the Universe has an irrational fear of the dark. But they’re wrong. ‘Cause it’s not irrational. It’s Vashta Nerada.
Donna: What’s Vashta Nerada?
The Doctor: It’s what’s in the dark. It’s what’s always in the dark.
As I was lying wrapped in a cocoon of blankets last night, my mind started to wander just as it always does. Sometimes it over-analyzes things I said/did that day (or the actions of others), or it quotes a film I just watched, or it thinks about the future. Who knows? This time around, it wandered to fears, what makes them rational/irrational, and if voicing them lessens their power. Long story short, I decided to write about my top 4 fears. In no particular order:
To this day, I have no idea exactly how I gained this fear. All I know is that accidentally cutting myself (or seeing another person, particular someone I care about, cut themselves) sends me down a spiral. It starts with feeling uncomfortable, then nauseous, dizzy, and if its bad enough the chances of me fainting are sky high. I’m generally lucky when it comes to films/TV though, and yes it still applies to the screen even though its fake blood. In order to elicit a reaction, the blood and accompanying scenes must be quite dramatic and “gory” so to speak.
Simply: it’s psychological. I know that it’s all in my head, but there is still nothing that I can do about it it, not a single thing. This is how it goes:
Sit in the waiting room, my heart begins to race. By the time I’m called, my hands are often shaking, and I’m about to panic. I tell them to not tell me when they’re going to stick the needle in, but it doesn’t make a difference. I know it’s coming, I know what comes after the sting. After, it’s bad. My stomach does flip-flops, and not in the good way. Sometimes I can’t see. I can’t walk for awhile, or else I will probably collapse. I’m shaking.
I don’t mean being by myself in a room or a house. After all, sometimes I need the peace and quiet. No, I mean ending up alone..with no one to care about me. There is little comfort with this fear, because although (logically) it will never come to pass and many have told me this…no one, absolutely no one, can really see into the future. So, my mind says, it could happen. I could see this fear.
It’s common, I know. But they still scare me. I can be in a building, but if I am high up and can see out either side (like a glass hallway), I’m not fine. I cannot even stand on a chair/table without being scared. I cannot ride a roller coaster, or a Ferris Wheel, or stand on a lookout point with only a metal grating for a floor. In my defense, that was over 1000 feet in the air. Over a lake.
I believe that everyone has fears, and thus I ask: What are you afraid of?